Self Compromise and Self Censoring

When I started this blog it was with a sincere and simple purpose. I would keep the blog in a sort of Journalistic form and I would record my thoughts as I applied for, was admitted to, and then attend law school. Since then, this blog has morphed into something of it's own. When things happen I feel the urge to share that event and the blog allows me to share information with those I don't see as often, or talk to, as compared to others individuals in my life. I also made the decision that I wouldn't hide my thoughts from those who read this blog in order to keep it's message sincere and truthful. As such, little to no self-censoring occurs. I realize that means some individuals may be mentioned from time to time without their permission in post that relate to them. If this occurs and you wish that I not mention you at all, or find it creepy, just let me know. I would have no problem changing the name for the purpose of posting.  I don't mean to offend, at least I don't think I do.

Per usual tradition a blog post is required as it is Thursday night.

There have only been three days since my last post and to be honest, I don't have much to catch you up on. Tuesday went well and my institute class was good as usual. Wednesday was long and boring and of little importance. Today has been quick and rather painless. I guess a list of major highlights is appropriate.

Tuesday:
Last day of Torts for the week.
Discussion of Civil Rights Cases in Con Law
President's of the Church institute class

Wednesday
Last day of Con Law for the week.
Discussion of Yick Wo and Plessy v. Ferguson... Separate but Equal?
Mission Prep
Semi-Bi-Quarterly Monthly trip to Wal-Mart
Received my institute t-shirt from Bro. Barber

Thursday
First day of Criminal Law for the week.
Rolling with the Missionaries for an hour and a half
Stephanie getting voted off of Survivor 20
Being only one day until the weekend

As you can see, a usual week has occurred and it is definitely not one to brag about. The most important thing that has happened to me this week happened tonight.

I, once again, had the opportunity to roll with the missionaries which is to say that I got to go with them and help them teach. Every time I go with the missionaries, I get an opportunity to see them in action and to watch how they work. I'm hoping, and I feel like, this will allow me to take their good work and to take their bad work and use it to make myself a better missionary when the time comes. Now obviously, I don't want to copy them as the spirit should be the guide for all missionaries. I still feel though that this extra familiarity and experience can only be a benefit for me in the short term and long term.

I feel bad for those who read my blog at a consistent rate or are around me at this time. The topic that is of course most prevalent is the mission I look forward to serving. I'm sure those who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints understand why this is such an important step in my life but for those who are not let me try to explain.

The mission is not just about going to some place unfamiliar and trying to convince con people into a belief system. Rather, it is an opportunity for men and women to grow and to bring the truth to those who might not have received it and may be looking. My dad has always told me that he gained more from his mission then he feels he gave. I know he was a good missionary so this baffled me for a long time. Why is it a good missionary trying really hard gained more then he gave? I have to believe that my father gave more then he realizes and touched the hearts of a lot more people then he knows. As well, the mission is an opportunity to learn and to grow in the gospel and strengthen one's own testimony. Of course, the mission is not a capstone of someone's life. Rather, for those fortunate enough to serve, it is an opportunity to be refined and to be shaped in a way that will allow someone to be who they want to be for the rest of their lives.

I don't know if that will make sense to you. I guess it doesn't have to. Just know that the mission is very important to me and I know it is what I should be doing next in my life. Law school can wait, relationship can be put on hold, and ambition can be stalled. I know what I will being doing for the two years that I am serving will be bigger then me, you, and the person sitting next to you. So please just be patient with me when I ramble on about it to you, and I ask that you pray for me, the other individuals that are preparing for missions, and those that are currently serving missions.

One last thing I want to touch upon before I go to bed for the night.

We all have certain principles and beliefs that we refuse to compromise on. For someone it may be that they will never drink alcohol, for others perhaps it is abstaining from smoking, and for others it may be that they will always be in motion and never lazy. I would have to say that you probably don't know what those principles are until they are tested though.

For myself, I always thought I'd never change myself in order to suit someone else's will. I've found out that perhaps that principle is not so true. Professor Swank, my section's Civil Procedure professor, frequently jokes that he is attracted to bright shirts and as such he calls on those that wear them. This naturally collides with my love of Oklahoma State and those bright orange t-shirts. For most of the year, I was unfazed by that threat and he seemed to not actually call on me that often. This semester has been different. For awhile, I was getting called on every class period and sometimes multiple times. I was ashamed this morning when I realized that I was not going to wear my orange for the simple reason of not wanting to be called upon. I was conforming to Prof. Swank's will by changing what I would wear and when I would wear it. To this, I say no more! Tomorrow morning when I walk into class it will be with the Orange across my chest and with prepared notes. Perhaps, it is time for all of us to stand up against those that seek to change us and declare that we are happy expressing who we are.

One Love